Look Through #234

Words are merely letters that have been placed in a particular order to create a term that represents someone or something, and while they seem powerful, they are not until we ourselves give them their strengths and weaknesses through our experiences as well as our emotions that we attach to them. The term dragon, for instance, in one epic tale can be defined as the evil force that needs to be defeated while in another it is the symbolism of a protection that just happens to fly through the sky. Both types can have us on the edge of our seats, and we can either hate them or cheer for them depending on the story that each resides in and what we feel a connection to. Of course, our encounters with those mystical creatures are through things like novels and movies so how is it possible for us to react so passionately about them? In other words what makes them feel authentic in our hearts when we have never actually encountered one? Perhaps it is because the things that do happen in any kind of life can make it seem as if we are surrounded by fire-breathing giant reptiles who know everywhere we try to hide even in the places in our hearts. Over the past month, I have been dealing with quickly losing a very important person in my life as well as experiencing the pain from the loss of Ryan as we approach the three-year mark of his death. As I assured that significant individual that it was okay to let go, I offered up that tale of a smile on my face that is my symbolism of a protective dragon even though I wasn’t necessarily feeling that way. That particular moment even held the familiarity of one that occurred three years ago, a trigger of sorts, where I also reassured Ryan that I would be all right if he died. In the use of simple words that offer encouragement or being positive or even in having flowers, everything sounds good and seems possible but when our chaos holds painful feelings that express their voices through raging dragons, what’s there can cause us to fall hard as well as burn “a whole city down” because it is difficult to breath and think in the midst of a mess. Once I was away from needing the appearance of that grin, I had a few “flipping out” moments that I had to apologize for because while it has always been easier to excuse our behaviors through the justification of what we are feeling or going through, nothing will ever change until we look through to understand how yesterday is still serving a purpose in us today particularly if that form is causing us to walk in circles by remaining the same. What dragons are you battling on your journey? Are you afraid of them because they feel so powerful or is it what they represent in you that you hate? Is there one that is your symbolism of protection? Is it really an expression of your strength or only the appearance of one, such as in the tale of a smile, so that others think you are all right? Words, just like musical notes, are placed in an order that are as strong or as weak as you decide they are based upon your encounters and emotions and while fire-breathing dragons may be the mystical creatures that are used to represent evil and good in grand stories, they can also be found in all the ways that you live your authentic epic narrative. It’s just that their form is seen in pain or fear or anger or addiction or even in the tears that come from laughing until your stomach hurts. This is me, a work of art in progress, and this is also you as you look through. The most important flowers that we will ever hold come from the out of the blue wins that are found in our presence in the weeds because that is where we take each challenging moment and slowly change what’s there into a strength by showing up to learn about who and why we are. Grab some tissues as you look through and may your tears also include the joy of loving you the way you are in a so very heavell life. After all, it is always all right to not always be all right, some dragons are just that fierce, but the power can’t remain the same when we expand our field of view in order to redefine what has been into what will now be. I will start by admitting that my smile, a simple flower of sorts, has definitely been a way for me to avoid dealing with my pain. What are you willing to say, even if only to yourself in the mirror, is the way that you have been keeping your pain at arm’s length even though that dragon always knows where to find you just like mine does in me? I will also acknowledge that at times I express myself through strong emotional terms rather than use the words that would help others to understand me better despite it not being in my best interest nor for anyone else for me to do that. When you look through, is that how you have expected to be heard? What would happen if we just sat down with ourselves in that moment and leaned in to hear what our hearts are really trying to tell us rather than allowing a raging dragon to speak on our behalf? I am going to have to keep trying to do this better especially after I have fallen or even thrown myself off of a cliff. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you battle some of your dragons and find safety amongst the rest. Oh hell, it’s definitely not about the flowers unless of course they are the ones that started as weeds, then it is always about those kinds. Love Always, Heavell