The Pitch #231

All epic tales and journeys are about a person or group who wants and is going through something while carrying the hope that their desire will be achieved. The paths in those stories pass through situations where the highs and the lows create emotionally charged responses authenticating our feelings that help to keep us on the edge of our seats with the intensity of a scene and by bringing a sigh of relief from the moments where being safe provides the opportunity to breathe before beginning again. Even the musical scores of those narratives raise and lower us through the notes and tempos that encourage a nervous response when they represent the fear and danger of a situation as well as when the sound is changed in order to take a triumph in a story and transport the feeling of it into our hearts where we are able to use our voices to express the realness and power of what had merely been a word in a novel. Our emotional responses to things like grand stories or music are authentic because what’s there also lives in all of our moments as we experience a variety of feelings with different levels of intensity based on what we are going through and the place that we happen to be at on the inside while experiencing it. In other words, the pitch that we are at as well as the situation can raise or lower us which can then make us, or the encounter feel like a defining “f” moment or just a part of a whole story. There are times when the memories of Ryan make my heart ache and bring tears of despair and then those same thoughts in another moment will have tears streaming down my face as I laugh until my stomach hurts. Both of those can be considered to be highs because of the intensity that I feel them although one is also a low because of the pain that takes ahold of my heart. Why is it possible for me to feel both ways about the same things and need boxes of tissues in either position? In part it is because of the pitch, or which place I am leaning towards. For instance, if my guilt and regret has decided to show up because it still needs to be heard or it’s been a challenging week in the weeds, then I am bent in one direction and when a different truth makes those tough lessons seem hysterical as the ridiculous pieces of our epic tale then I am sloped in the opposite way. In both positions my field of view is able to bring forth Ryan’s twinkling blue eyes and huge smile as if he had just flashed them at me a second ago and while it always feels like a bear hug in my heart, it can either make me smile or plummet me off a cliff into the darkness. What things can make you feel both ways? Have you noticed that your triggers feel more powerful at certain times than they do in other ones? Do you believe that it defines you as being impossible or are you able to view that your pitch and the one of the situations is what gives the appearance of that making going through or staying sober even more challenging? Or how about the fact and the opinion that flowers and the achievement of a goal can fade from the light when the intensity of the pitch is overwhelming? One of the things that I have learned from Ryan’s years of substance use and especially from his death is that it is always all right for me not to be all right but it’s what I do in whichever place I am in that determines how this is going to go as well as the time I am going to stay there. Being able to understand that about myself has helped me to perceive of how challenging and painful not only Ryan’s substance use was but his sobriety as well because this is life with the pitch that has all the authentic highs and lows that live in and outside the lines. Leave room within yourself to be curious about why you are feeling as you do because when you lean into the pitch, the power of it becomes yours to decide rather than the situations or even the intense emotions that are breathing there. There will always be moments where you “flip out” in your way, so hear and feel that. There will also be ones, even the very same ones, where you will be able to laugh until your stomach hurts from the entertaining scenarios in your kind of life. So, pardon the weeds because the pitch keeps us on the edge of our seats, makes things as well as us feel impossible but also allows us to breathe before beginning again. Have the best day POSSIBLE and be kind to the sometime warrior who is battling mystical creatures in an epic tale where it’s definitely not just about the flowers. Love Always, Heavell