Conversations with Dragons #350

When dragons call, it can feel as if we are too far gone to ever get away from the repetitive conversations so we stop in familiar places and feel identical reactions because, after all, if they are here, then we must also belong in those same dark spaces as well.  

Its a continuous grieving for not only the people, places and things that have been lost along our journeys but also for the loss of who we had dreamed of being and the happiness that we had  hoped for.

I have had quite a lot of time to think about what grief means while walking in circles in my own home and I never imagined how hard it would be to truly trust being happy when I have never really had confidence in the lines of all the other feels that have existed in my story as well.

If what I have heard so many times before keeps being repeated and it has become so much easier to just let the weather wash over me and to begin singing along before the words have even begun, how can I stop living in the yesterdays?

Maybe, that slipping back is because different hasn’t prevented the forward acceleration of what has been consistently applied in the past, leaving me feeling as if I haven’t tried to change even though I now carry exhaustion from those unseen movements as well.

Sometimes, everything is wrong and in other moments I am simply being fooled by the self-doubt that has grown over time from harsh ideas that seemed like forever statements but were never really mine to hold to begin with despite what my dragons have been trained to echo.   

And so I am learning that just because painful pieces of my art appear again and again, whispering to me to regress, by rehearsing my acknowledgment of them, those shadow energies are slowly fading, allowing me to be all right in the spaces that were originally created from my tears.

Long ago, when “once upon a time” was first placed on our papers, hidden in plain sight was the light that writing something “once” was never meant to be a forever after but “once” we have begun the practice of singing along in unison, conversations with dragons die hard and happiness feels undependable.

Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell