Tucked comfortably between the hues of green and violet is the color of blue and over the course of our lives, our understanding of what it defines has changed from a pigment that is used to depict the sky and water to being a single word that represents the unhappy feels that we have.
Technically blue is the correct term to bundle grief together with but it’s generalization doesn’t touch on the deeper meaning of the experiences and custom-made emotions that actually make up why each of us carry sadness.
The challenge of that art is that what it encompasses for one isn’t the same for all which leaves many feeling unheard and stuck in the confusion of the favorite cast that sorrow has taken to join us with.
No one asks for that kind of multi-toned item to be something that they know intimately and yet it’s the type of dragon that doesn’t actually need a reason to exist nor does it care where anyone is or what they look like when it does decide to show up.
And if that particular version has convinced us that it is who we are, we will prove that it is true and while there may be evidence to support that obvious choice, it isn’t always the one that we should make for ourselves.
So when unwanted context enfolds us, we don’t have to think positively about our lives but we can keep trying by committing to being certain that we will eventually find our way to the other forms that also hold our presence.
Blue was never meant to be a word to be lost in or a color-wash that appears perfectly on some trails so when we voice it, we need to say it right so that the validation of it belongs to us as individuals rather than our struggling to fit ourselves into what it means for someone else.
It has never just been about the flowers or even the weeds because both can factually begin with blue and then emerge over time through colors that we have yet to imagine as being a part of our stories.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Grief is a vulnerable and permanent journey that appears in many forms and although each of us know it in some manner, it does not breathe the same in any of our hearts nor do the details of our experiences read alike in our individual stories.
For a few, it has the ability to randomly pull them back into the history of the past by uncovering the knowledge of their losses even when the lighting is just right and they are no where near those moments from the yesterdays.
A portion hold a pain that knows no boundaries in the gardens of their lives and although they try to create the walls that will contain its growth, for some, it will somehow still cast shadows and seep into the beds of their dreams and hopes for happiness.
Several carry it as the reminders that they have been changed by being enfolded by its events even though their reflection in the mirror remains as a familiar one.
For others it is a rollercoaster of emotions and blooming thoughts that affect their ability to cope, to show up and to communicate not only with others but especially with themselves.
For even more, the timeless messages of sorrow are present in the energy of their steps and their desire that who they are tomorrow, will have finally made sense of the pain that they can’t seem to leave behind today.
For most, its power lies not in the volume or type but by simply being the marks of their travels that have found a way to bleed through page after page, muddying their art no matter how careful they try to be with their brushstrokes and words.
What grief is not, regardless of who it belongs to, is an experience to get over, a single mountain to climb, a place for judgement or something to compare because rejecting the bonds that we individually hold with our struggles only validates why they should continue to flourish.
The conflict is not that we are embraced by those encounters but that we have yet to understand that our unrehearsed trails have the space for us to laugh, cry, love and fall however it is ourselves who fear the weather, the darkness and the weeds.
And so it goes with sometime warriors whose hearts have been touched by the loss of people, places and things and recovering from that grief isn’t in letting them go but in noticing with curiosity how we have coped before so that we may use that as the guides for the goals of doing it differently today.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Dreams exist in our narratives to remind us to look outside of the present moment towards the tomorrows with the hope of breaking free from the continuity of the pages that we have been living.
They invite in the colors that add magic to the black and white words that we have written into our way of being and bring the kind of energy that makes it possible to imagine slaying the dragons that use our own thoughts to invalidate us.
The easiest of them, of course, are the ones that seemingly nurture us with their light and the hardest are the ones that have the power to define the spaces that hold our belief in ourselves.
Of the many desires that we create over time, some will continue to walk with us as we move forward in pursuit of happiness but a few of them will fall loudly into our shadows as the reminders of what we like least about the history of things not turning out as we had wanted.
The take away from those failed wishes is that we are only capable of more of the same but just because we think those things should have been different, it doesn’t mean nor does it guarantee that they would have been better.
What if the dreams that didn’t go as planned stay near us not so that we may listen to what’s wrong with us but are there as a part of learning to open up space to hear the details that actually did work so that we may embrace that knowledge of ourselves and step again?
The past whispers to us to revisit the steep hills and debris of our journeys not as evidence that we are not enough but so that we may see the proof that although there has been sorrow, some of our solutions did get us through to this very moment.
Today calls to us to leave room for the absence of light along with the right weather because both sides give us something to use as well as takes something from us and we ourselves get to keep redefining what that means.
Tomorrow asks that we treat all of our spaces with curiosity because what’s growing in and around them won’t always look like what we imagine they should but they will always be the future seeds of what flourishes on our pages.
Sometimes we are the dragons that have interrupted our journeys by the consistent way in which we wear the idea of who we are instead of striding in our own style in the flow of the grief and the happiness that epic tales and dreams are truly made of.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Proof of our existence is rooted in all of the moments of our lives but when we overlook parts of our stories to focus on the ideas that our burdens provide, learning to restructure that information can feel more threatening than what we are already carrying.
It has, in a way, been comforting to keep reapplying those deeply held convictions in order to find some sort of predictableness on journeys where we are expected to lean into what we can’t see but unfortunately holding hands with that safety is the painful thought that if we were capable, we would have done it differently.
The theory is that we are supposed to be able to know how to navigate our trails before we get there and to also be able to grapple with the aftermath of any debris that seeps into our hearts and minds from those travels even though existing has never been that simple.
When things happen, the messages that we often incorporate into ourselves are the ones that tether us to the belief that there is something wrong with us however our heartbreaks are the results of behaviors that we can self-correct once we are ready to stop listening to the black and white language of shame.
How we have filled in the spaces of the words that we say is what makes us feel incomplete and yet our terms are meant to be expanded, minimized or let go of in life’s flow because not every one is the right lighting in the shadows of our grief or resourceful when the sun is shining.
We can say no to the actions that are not working for us while still saying yes to the feelings that have been created, by understanding that needing to adjust our steps does not resonate with our being flawed nor is trusting our abilities impossible just because we have been stuck in previous movements.
Today is a good day to pick one dragon whose instructions we have been complying with and reorient its opinion with the knowledge that it is our sorrow and fear that increases our definitions of understanding and compassion and that it takes time for us to discover what that means.
Despite not knowing what is around the bend, carry on, because good weather will periodically show up, laughter with tears opens the door for our feels to breathe and the absence of light has no meaning until we ourselves define it, so make it a necessary component on the pages of the epic lives that we as sometime warriors can only be found in.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
There’s always going to be another moment, one more unwanted feeling and the kind of storms that pull us back around to the spots where our words express the familiar fear that we are unsuitable for the journeys that require us to believe in our possibilities while the marks of the yesterdays still have a voice within us.
The implications of that nostalgia is that our movements have been out of place, and yet we can’t help but turn to those prior embodied experiences as a default for navigating what is unforeseeable in the tomorrows.
We are aware that things need to shift and we want them to however our relationship with the looping negativity in our stories has gotten us this far and envisioning letting go of the bond that we have with those emotions is as distressing as our knowing that those feels hurt and keep us stuck.
We are use to the idea that the achievement of certain things is where happiness can be found but its actually the accumulation of every one of our moves in discovering what helps and what doesn’t that gives us something to write about, not the items that will eventually fade anyways.
If our weather makes it seem as if light and warmth are not possible on some or even a lot of our days, then it is our locked in one-sided summary that needs to be redefined rather than feeling bad about or burying or letting go of the emotions that give life to who we are.
By allowing the changing of our colors and definitions to collaborate with the ups and downs of our flow, we show up for the fluctuations instead of being held captive by its energy but it takes practice as our need to find what we imagine restricts our ability to notice the different kinds of possibilities that surround us.
Hidden in plain sight in each of us is the ability to change our choices as many times as we would like as we embrace the weather that we are always suitable for even when we don’t trust that we are.
So if today isn’t your day, know that every moment can be a different hue and words can be expanded as we loop around or experience something new in our epic tales that are infinitely defined by spots of love, grief, fear and happiness.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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