What if I were to say to you that even though our details are different “I know how you feel”? Would that particular clause help you to feel supported in the place that needs you most? How about if my words were changed to share that “I feel as you feel”? Would that difference in my term choices assist you in being able to breathe at least a little bit easier? Which of the two do you think would be more likely to facilitate a much-needed connection? Those easy words are powerful enough to either help us to sense that we are safe and united, or to encourage us to feel insecure and alone. Yeah, I was unaware that there is a definite distinction between those expressions but when the first one has been used in response to my pain, I have felt even more isolated during some of my darkest moments and as I turn around, I can also see that my own utilization of that one didn’t provide the kind of support that I had intended for others as well. Understanding that within myself is both an un-fortunate and fortunate view or the hell and the heaven of my clauses being at an angle. In other words, in those moments my mind had felt like it was holding the right terms and the similar feelings of my own experiences helped me to understand the person before me but that isn’t actually how we or others feel heard. The slight variation of those terms appears to be so simple and perhaps even un-important but knowing how you feel is really about me and feeling as you feel is about keeping what you are going through to the front so that you can feel safe or at least safer as you relay what your weeds are holding. That first clause is what the voice of sympathy sounds like and the second one is what the supporting hug of empathy feels like in our hearts and while they are used to define each other in a dictionary, only empathy has the ability to help us to believe in and trust ourselves as well as others. Today is a good day to turn what has been at an angle into what helps you to show up for yourself. After all, you feel as you feel about your so very heavell life and if you need a reminder, we feel as you feel although we have also been at an angle requiring us to work on our series of movements and words as well. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
In epic tales the possible destruction of a character, a place or a thing along with the tension that comes from the fear of that failure occurring, creates the “on the edge” feelings that encourage us to jump, breathe in or even scream right along with those personas as if it were happening to us. In fact, the bigger the chance of destruction the stronger our hope is that a win will materialize regardless of whatever invincible mystical creatures have to be battled or the moments where those individuals just want to turn the pages to easily move forth on their journeys. Great storytelling is the art of using words to transport us not just into other lives and places but into ourselves where there are pieces of us that actually make those characters so enduring. In other words, we connect with the fear, hope, anger, doubt, celebration and grief that those individuals go through, and unlike in our actual lives, those tales allow us to experience “flipping out” moments without having to live them. Why is it so much easier to understand, accept and be supportive of those sentiments when they occur in a book or a movie or a song but not when they are within us? Is it the inclusion of mythical creatures or a hero status or a poignant tune that makes it all right for those things to be expressed? Or is it that those feelings are allowable as long as they are not being used to expose who we are on the inside especially what makes us feel vulnerable? Some time ago I wrote about a young man named Trevor Garroutte who wrote the book “Stomping in Puddles” which is the story of his losing and finding his way when the plot twists in his life enfolded things he never imagined would be located along his trail. As a former army infantry medic, cancer survivor and homeless person, he is what we often envision a hero in an epic tale would embody and yet the things that went right didn’t mean or guarantee that he would never find himself in the weeds or up against challenges that would push him close to self-destruction. Trevor’s book contains only a section of his life’s journey but in it he’s candid about how he felt every step of the way through, over the land and within himself. There are no mystical creatures in his story and he certainly didn’t feel like a hero nor did he know exactly where he was going but in the end he found where he needed to be which was to show up in all the ways that he was living his life especially in the moments that he didn’t want and hurt. In the art of storytelling or in living a so very heavell life, the particulars about each of us matter and we get to decide how they will be portrayed as well as what their value is as they breathe within us and we can also change any or all of it as our field of view expands to see, feel and understand more. Take care with your words because if you only look one way at them, what you say about yourself will never be all that you really are or are capable of. Take care with your steps because what works for someone else may not be the best series of movements for you but go ahead and try it as a part of discovering what is your way. Take care of your heart because it’s the one place that you will always be home in no matter what location you find yourself in or who surrounds you on your circle. A little bit at a time take care of you because any type of dragon can be defeated but it won’t always be in the ways you have envisioned or want it to be. After all, you never imagined yourself here now did you? Have the best day POSSIBLE for you in this section of your life’s journey. Who knows, maybe today is the day that you will write a plot twist as a reminder for the real hero in your narrative that it is always all right to not always be all right, that you can be found and lost in every moment and that we walk hand in hand with fear as well as courage but it’s the direction that we look through that determines which one we feel so move your view if you need to. Oh hell, in some parts of your story boxes of tissues have been for your tears of pain but on the next page or in the next chapter, you are strong enough to change those things from the “f” moments whose outer-layer had seemed so invincible in the yesterdays into what you laugh about tomorrow. Can you visualize my giggling each time I go to pick up a foil dragon to cover my leftovers with as I feel Ryan’s bear hug around my heart? Yeah I never thought it was possible either but then I also didn’t realize that I was powerful enough to add yet another emotional definition to a word that had appeared to be completely defined until a different truth came into my view. Even if you are showing up late, take care of and be kind to the writer of your epic tale now. Love Always, Heavell
The definition of an epic tale has been established as a literary work about a person or group performing heroic deeds while on a long and amazing adventure or otherwise intense story. That kind of narrative usually involves the rescuing or the saving or the defending of someone or some place against some type of enemy. They can be an account of an actual journey or revolve around imaginary creatures or have a combination of real and false details in order to make the tale feel more interesting. Today, stories like that are most often about an authentic and ordinary person who, through a series of movements, discovers what he or she is really capable of despite the fear and the pain along that extended journey or the presence of mystical creatures that are not always found in the form of fire-breathing dragons. Of course, it is always easier to cheer for someone who appears to be an unassuming hero to begin with then it is to show up for us in our own narratives where our sometime warriors often find themselves stuck in the weeds “of our own making” Despite the different details though, all stories are about the process of becoming someone that an individual didn’t necessarily imagine he or she would become. In other words, you didn’t envision yourself here to begin with so today is a good day to make way for being curious about, to locate, who you want to be as you turn a little bit at a time what has been into the plot twists or superpowers of your tomorrows. To make way for a win, then, you have to look at the possibilities of what can help you and what has or will prevent you from moving forward. After all, these are our individual real-life intense stories and since we can’t just pass the pages that we don’t want or skip the scenes that hurt, make way for the art of living in heavell by recognizing that change is a series of movements, a whole is never ever just defined by a part and that courage walks hand in hand with fear because we are always capable of both but it’s the view that we look at that determines what we breathe in. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you make way for so much more than you have imagined. Love Always, Heavell
To imagine ourselves beyond where we find ourselves, we have to envision transforming the parts within ourselves that need to be rather than just picturing ourselves in a new location. To move, though, requires us to change without the guarantee that everything will be all right in the new position or pain free along the way and the feeling of fear that we get when thinking about doing so, is like what an authentic character in an epic tale experience’s as he or she attempts to sneak past one of those fire-breathing dragons while it looks directly at that persona. Our hope is that turning ourselves will simply occur by taking a step or two towards what we want but unfortunately, we often fail at change because the real truth is that each spot on our trails is the results of a series of movements rather than from a single moment or action and the same is needed in order to get to a new place. Today we would like to share the words of author Susan David on why “change is a process rather than an event” After all, we may believe we are “stuck” in our weeds but since turning is a precise procedure on the inside, we have to locate what is achievable with the details that we ourselves are carrying. As always have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you imagine turning one small thing a little bit at a time to find what works for you. Love Always, Heavell
When life isn’t living up to our expectations, it’s often tempting to think in terms of dramatic changes. We fantasize about quitting our job and heading off to a mountain ashram.
We are embarrassed by our junk food diet and muse about going vegan. We consider what it might be like to leave our partners and rebuild our identities in far away places.
Usually these massive changes appear so daunting that we do nothing and remain stuck and dissatisfied. In the instances where we do follow the impulse to turn our world on its head, we often find the reality of our new situation doesn’t live up to our imaginings. Our problems are not all instantly solved.
The truth is that nature favors evolution, not revolution. Single-celled organisms slowly morph and adapt, finally creating complex plants and animals. Continents plod across oceans, giving shape to our world. So it is with our own lives.
Change is a process, not an event. Rather than break from our past with a single decision, it is often more effective to make small, subtle changes that steer us in the direction of our values. This insight is the basis of what I call the tiny tweaks principle.
Thinking small has real advantages. The cost of failure is comparatively low. When we realize that we’ve got little to lose, we feel less pressure and more confidence. And the focus on modest, achievable goals provides tangible markers on the road to success. But what does this look like when applied to your everyday habits?
Here are four different tactics you can use to make tiny tweaks that add up to big change:
1. The No-Brainer: Switch up your environment so that when you’re hungry, tired, stressed, or rushed, the choice most aligned with your values is also the easiest. If you’re trying to shave off a few pounds, then set yourself up for success by stocking your shelves with fresh fruit rather than cookies. Now your only choice for a midnight snack is one you won’t regret in the morning.
2. The Piggyback: Add a new behavior onto an existing habit. To continue with the weight loss example, this might mean turning your routine walk with your dog into a routine jog, or doing some jumping jacks when you tune into the nightly news.
3. The Pre-commitment: Anticipate obstacles and prepare for them with “if-then” strategies. If my partner makes a doughnut run, then I’ll treat myself to the juicy pear I’ve already got stored in the break room fridge. If I’m tempted to sleep through my morning workout, then I’ll remind myself how much better I’ll feel for having done it.
4. The Obstacle Course: Offset a positive vision with thoughts of potential challenges. In one study, researchers advised half of the participants in a weight loss program to envision themselves with new svelte figures and the other half to imagine situations where they’d be tempted to cheat on their diet. A year on, the second group had shed more weight. Optimism is important, but it’s most effective when paired with realism.
Any sea captain will tell you that if you steer a ship just a few degrees this way or that, you completely alter its trajectory. Over the course of a long journey, it may end up hundreds of miles from where it would have without that slight adjustment.
Think of your life the same way. Turn too sharply and you might capsize, but a slow gentle change will get you where you want to be.
Wishing you well,
Susan
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