Why is it important to find ourselves if what has been done cannot be undone? An often unrealized adversity of lost and or hidden pieces is their ability to continue to affect us long after they have disappeared. After all, whatever we do today will always have and hold what has already been in the yesterdays. This so very heavell life, despite any similarities, is unique to each individual and as such must be considered from each personal position. Whatever hurts for one is not necessarily the real truth for someone else. Whatever way an individual goes through will not ensure that another can experience it in that particular manner as well. The value of finding you is in changing how you have felt and judged what cannot be undone. If you are going to do as I say, then be kind to you by accepting your falls; as well as those from others. The need for transformation, and a view of what’s beyond, cannot be recognized without the help of all types of moments. If we no longer tumble then we are walking in circles; staying too long in the same place. The power of those descending moments, no matter the size or the strength, has always been established in what we do with them on the inside; repeat, destroy or convert to superpowers. Here’s to the “f” moments that bring the lessons that are needed in order to step. Say what? This is the perfect moment to get comfortably uncomfortable with the all that has been for you. The hope is that by stepping into you, you will find the most fantastic and failed, fearfully courageous and beautiful person in need of understanding; otherwise known as you. Whatever you choose to do, do it because of and for you.
The creation of anything, whether people, places or things. relies upon a foundation to support what is added to it. No matter what place we are at in that production of ourselves, what we don’t find an understanding for has a way of continuing to feed the hell. For instance, if you have trust issues, that pain has the ability to weaken some or all areas related to trusting yourself and or others. Because after all, whatever has the loudest voice will often be expressed in whatever manner that allows it to be seen; whether an addict or not. Accepting that a part is in need of recognition and help is taking a step forward. Turning around to the yesterdays, to then find what was lost or hidden, is choosing to show up for the all of you. Viewing that falls are a part of a so very heavell life, is the act of appreciating all that you are; even the hellish ones. When we don’t do those things, we consent to our yesterdays continuing to define our tomorrows; in this moment or the next but especially when we least expect it. Whatever is in the words that you say to yourself? Will they either help you to go through or keep you too long in the place you shouldn’t be? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Whatever you have been perceiving of, whether real or an illusion, there has always been so much more to you. This is me and this is you as the bringers of hell but also the beholders of heaven. Both places require us to breathe in brave; to eventually step forward or to get ready for the fall. Whatever can’t be undone is only as powerful as you consent to it being; by staying there, hiding it or by transforming it. Oh hell, did you know that sometime warriors cry and laugh until their stomachs hurt while being together and not together? It’s all right to not be all right with what you find. After all, the beauty of being both fantastic and failed is often not what we think is there but whatever we imagine isn’t. Be kind and quiet while listening to the all that you have to say but then get loud in finding whatever you need to help yourself. This is an inside existence that often can use the perspectives that can be found on the outside; unless of course they consent to you staying in the place that you have already been in or in hiding parts. Whatever you choose to do, do it because of and for you. Love, Heavell.
Turn around to the yesterdays and find the moments in which you felt the strongest and loudest reactions; whether happy, sad or angry in nature. Do you understand why you chained your personal value to those moments? Is it because they hurt or made you laugh until your stomach hurt? Has the worth of any of those moments been changed because someone else holds a different understanding of them; a separate perspective? How did it feel if someone downplayed what you experienced? When we look outside of ourselves for the acknowledgement of how things feel on the inside, we are often left in a confused state. It’s as if someone else is telling us what’s not there even though clearly it is there; because we feel it. Being unheard then creates a victim state, in a part or some parts, whose voice(s) will find a way to be communicated; most often in detrimental ways. All that you are has come together because of what you have encountered and then felt in a life that is so very heavell. Have the understanding that the value of what carries the weight of the world for each of us is solely in the heart of each beholder; in familiar and yet also distinctly different ways. If your going to do what I tell you to do, then get ready for the next fall because they will always happen through words, feelings and actions; even in the most perfect moments and people. Here’s to being comfortably uncomfortable with what is on the inside so that you may find the understanding and the acceptance of you. Oh hell, if you were to find yourself, each fall would be the opportunity to take steps in a place where we all walk in circles; for our matter of time. After all, weeds will always be found wherever flowers grow, sometime warriors are fearfully courageous and what we imagine isn’t there is often just a green truth. I am going to wait right here while you consent to show up for every perfectly, irritatingly, messy, fantastic, together and not together piece; also known as your whole.
The losses in our lives create controversary while the disagreements, especially about what’s valuable, result in falls. When you lose something, how hard and how long are you willing to look for it? Is that matter of time and effort affected by the worth that you have chained to it? It has always been easier for us to perceive of the things in our lives that are concrete; such as people, places, things or even substances. What happens, though, when the thing that has been lost, or hidden, is a part of the whole that lives on the inside? That place where any piece is vulnerable to confusion; from our feelings, “f” moments, illusions and outside influences? If those things have pain and or fear, we will deny, hide or lose what we do not want to deal with. It’s as if it can’t be there if we don’t see it or acknowledge it; whether on the outside or the inside. In doing so though, we are then unable to perceive of the beauty that can be found wherever we are; but especially in the falls. This is me a former illusion of perfection; what I wanted to see and deal with in the mirror. I have fallen in words, actions and moments; as well as having been detrimental. I have and hold many “f” moments that include funny and fabulous ones; right along with the hellish parts. So what? Yesterday has left but today holds the hope that I will keep that mirror close by so that tomorrow won’t be a repeat of what has already been. This is you, a circle of heavell, just like everyone else; whether an addict or not. What’s not there is your ability to go through if you lose any part of yourself; because that actually just feeds the hell. If you need help in order to find you, that is a strength. Just don’t stay too long in any place that doesn’t lift you up to see that you have always been so much more than what you have remembered. What has been lost can be found by one fall and step, as well as walking in circles, at a time. What if in this perfect moment you were to consent to stepping into you; seeing you the way the mirror does? After all, it’s easy to forget that superpowers and sometime warriors are created when they are needed; also known as “after we fall”. Whatever will you do now with the perfectly, irritatingly, messy and fantastic person that you are? Oh hell, let’s just get some more tissues because it’s going to be a comfortably uncomfortable kind of day.
“It is not our ability to love, to be loved or to make love that determines our successes or failures but rather how we deal with the controversary, individually and together, that shapes those things. See yourself soon. Love, Heavell”
How has it felt to look on the outside of yourself for the relief from what hurts on the inside of you? Were you aware that seeking comfort in that place would mean you would remain uncomfortable on the inside; whether an addict or not? That it would require more and more just to attempt to feel the original solace that attracted you to begin with? Or how about the real truth that as it became the loudest part of you, the rest of you would be pushed into the shadows? Difficulties will always be a part of our lives because there’s no way to get around them. If you are uncomfortable with adversity, whether on the inside or the outside, then seeking assistance is an acceptance of who you are; a delving into the view beyond just what you are able to see. It is actually a strength when it’s used to help yourself go through; but not when it’s used to feed the hell. Turn around and look at the yesterdays. Step inside to where those moments will show you all the ways in which you have descended; even if not always into hell. Falls, whether in words, feelings or behaviors, have always held the hope for the discovery of understanding and change; the actual possibility of transforming hell into superpowers. As you are, if you are scared, then just say you are. Do this for you because while help can be found on the outside, you have always been the one who was meant to go through on this journey. As the beholder of heaven as well as the bringer of hell, you are the most important person at your position. Here’s to this so very heavell life where sometime warriors fall right along with illusions of perfection. Oh hell, who has some tissues for the green truths, the pain, the “f” moments and for the fabulous times that make us laugh so hard we cry? I will just wait right here, in this perfect moment, for you to consent to showing up for you.
One of the strongest feelings that we each experience is that of being alone; or at least the fear of being so. What have you chained to the definition of that word to make it your own? Even when we are in a room full of people, those who are on the outside of us, we can still feel that way on the inside. Despite the differences that are found amongst us, we all share similarities when the pain of isolation and loneliness is breathed into our hearts. Both fear and sadness accept and love everyone equally but it’s what we each do with it that determines its’ affect. After all, a feeling is still a feeling no matter who holds it nor how it came to be. If you understand that particular place in hell, what is in your words that can help or has helped you? Can you use your pain to perceive of what others are going through now; that view beyond what is just in front you? To assist them so that they may have hope while on their trail? The art of living in heavell is recognizing that what we imagine is not there, is actually there in some part or place for each of us; despite not being easily understood. It matters not if you are a princess, a student, a jock, a mother, an addict, an illusion of perfection or anyone else because we are all “f” moment makers and feelers; as the beholders of heaven and the bringers of hell. Turn around and get comfortably uncomfortable with your parts, moments, words and feelings; just don’t stay there too long. As a sometime warrior, what’s not there is the ability to be one without pain. Assist yourself by accepting the yesterdays and step towards the tomorrows where the anything and the everything can be different for you; but will still hurt in any given moment. Together and not together we are the beauty, the fear, the loneliness and so much more. Here’s to creating superpowers and or falls from the adversities; because change lives in both. As the heavell keeper of your life, all of this has always been for the perfect person; in other words for you.
When we tell our story through our words, and especially through our actions, we express on the outside of ourselves the place that we are at on the inside. At times the accounting of what has been can easily be seen while in other moments what we convey is a green truth; to ourselves as well as to others. We assume that those who appear to be together are just that; even though we are all most often not together in at least one part. We also believe that when “a mess” is conveyed in one piece, or some pieces, it must be what can be found throughout the whole. Illusions are the perceptions of people, places, things, substances or even the BLAH that do not include all that can be found there; nor do they acknowledge what’s not there. Are you sure that you want to continue to believe that the loudest part of you is the sole definer of you? Whatever that part may be, what’s not there is that it became that way in order to stay silent. What’s not there is the ability to have and to hold heaven without going through the hell; especially what hurts. Here’s to being all right when we are comfortably uncomfortable in whatever place we may be. Yesterday has left and tomorrow will be here soon. What’s not there is it all staying the same if you seek the understanding of you in order to change it. After all, as you are, the strength of the hell has always been found in what you feed it; for exactly your matter of time.
As much as we hate hell, it’s amazing how much time we consent to staying in that place; even though we shouldn’t. Our negative thoughts, words and actions, also known as the hell, carry far more value and remain longer in our hearts than all the positive or heaven moments do; even though they also shouldn’t. A green truth is the illusion that we cannot be or ever have beauty if we have not been perfect along our trails; on the inside and the outside. At times when the hell feels as if it is stronger than the heaven, as in addiction, it appears to be the real truth; that once “a mess” always “a mess”. What’s not there in that belief, though, is the whole story of who we are; as wholes rather than just a part or some parts. One of the most difficult views to perceive of, beyond what is just in front of us, is that falls and “f” moments are a part of the beauty in a so very heavell life; in different and similar ways. This is me and this is you, together and not together, but always so much more than just fear, pain and those hated falls. What’s not there is the ability to change what will always just be in the yesterdays. Tomorrow, however, can be different by what you do with it now. A part of that change includes saying “I’m sorry”; for having forgotten that you have always been the beholder of heaven as well. Can you turn around and get comfortably uncomfortable with the hell? After all, as you are, it’s the position where you will find the understanding and the acceptance of you; also known as the beauty that can be found wherever you are.
“The greatest beauty is found in the falls that are meant to raise us higher than we were before they occurred; in order to see beyond just what we think we see. Be grateful for even the most difficult ones for they teach us more than all the heavenly moments do; or the illusions of them.” – Ryan Fisher, April 2019
What’s not there in Ryan’s words is that the difficult lessons often hurt more than anyone can imagine or ever want them to. What is there, though, is that by holding the hand of fear and that of courage, it is possible to step no matter how far you have fallen; or how long you have been walking in circles. Unless, of course, you consent to feeding the hell by believing that your story means you can’t. What is in the words that you say? Oh hell, sometimes we all are in that place, in different and similar ways, but we don’t have to stay there. But of course what’s not there isn’t always what we imagine it to be.
The most fearful and courageous place that we will ever be is on the inside of ourselves; the beholder of all of our moments. It is also the position where we can lose ourselves if we only say and listen to the things that hurt. When we limit our view, we breathe that restriction into our hearts; feeding the hell. The same can also be said if we try to exclude the pain by denying or hiding it; or through the use of substances. When we eliminate a feeling, we push the others into the shadows; making them hard to be perceived of or even remembered. Are you sure that you don’t want to find the understanding of you in that uncomfortable place? Are you sure you don’t want to turn around and see that the beauty of fear can be found in an unfamiliar way? Oh hell, the real truth is that no matter what you perceive of, there is so much more that hasn’t been recognized that created it. It takes courage to fall because many unseen moments came together before it happened; its never been an easy thing to do to a sometime warrior. Fear, itself, has a part in our standing or stepping through the recognition that we have been in a place for far too long. What you breathe in and say to yourself, as well as the perception of it, then has the ability to lift up or to destroy you; always occurring in your matter of time. Today is here and yesterday is gone but tomorrow holds the hope that you will get comfortably uncomfortable with being a perfectly, irritatingly, messy person; or so very heavell. Oh hell, we all are; whether an addict or not.
Wherever we go, we take all of our moments with us; especially the ones that we didn’t hope for or want. So what? They only matter if we tell ourselves that the strength of those things are more powerful than we are as a whole. Oh hell, what if in this perfect moment you were to understand that you, on the inside, are who and what you are working with; not what is on the outside of you? Does that scare you to know that? You should feel that fear, knowing that there are different and similar falls ahead, while also experiencing courage for the very same reason. Have and hold each encounter, whether loved or hated, as a part of the creation of the beauty that belongs solely to you. This is a journey in a life where you can see and do this in unfamiliar ways; today or perhaps tomorrow. Even the view of yesterday, and how it has affected you, can be changed by seeing beyond what has just been in front of you. Since this is an inside existence, what can you say to remind yourself that you are both fallen and a sometime warrior? You didn’t think you could be victorious without falling in some way did you; by words and or actions? Oh hell, this is me and this is you being just alike on the outside and yet different on the inside. It’s all right to take your matter of time. To find the beauty though, you actually have to feel all of your parts and moments; to deal. If you don’t, it will just be another green truth in a life that is so very heavell. Oh hell, just choose the all of you and go through.
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